don't look back
the New Year.
it's a clean slate. or at least, you resolve for it to be.
but, calendar aside, you're still playing/living on what happened, before. the move into 2009 is too recent to be adding much "new" or "different". it's all about perception... and, looking forward:
to Better Things.
regardless, you're still walking the same path. it takes will to keep eyes locked on what comes ahead.
yet, you're still obliged to look over your shoulder so as not to repeat the mistakes.
i'll admit that i'm irrationally superstitious, since "superstition" is "irrational". i'm not obsessive about it, but experience
clues me into the fact that certain behaviors have certain conclusions.
one of these superstitions is too cockily repeating witty phrases in polite conversation... they come back to bite you in the ass in ways unexpected. lately, the catchphrase of choice has been wanting to "put 2008 into my rearview". how coincidental that has turned out to be.
to make a long story short, uncharacteristically, i got rear-ended in traffic, yesterday. at a dead stop, a white Explorer slammed me in the back of my Volvo wagon, probably traveling 35 mph on rain-slickened roads before the cellphone-driven impulse to jam the brakes kicked in. by that time, it was inevitable. i saw it all. in my rear view mirror.
the diving of the Ford nose, at considerable speed.
the hollow-sounding, sick impact. contents of the passenger's seat, leaping in mid-air. the first word out of my mouth, being "Fuck!" managing to keep my brakes locked so that i didn't hit the stopped column of cars in front of me.
but, last year being the clusterfuck that it was, i learned enough to not panic. i was whole... instinctively bracing for the collision. still able to move. the car, still drivable to a safer place than in the middle of a busy street. instinctively dialing 911, and seeing if the dumbass was unhurt. 18 years old, if a day. rejected inspection sticker. GEICO insurance. his mommy, showing up minutes later.
but, this time, it paid to look backwards. for once.
because, calamity aside, my sense of humor arose. after everything came to a complete stop, i saw exactly this in the mirror:
yeah... i'm semi-fucked. just not as fucked as he is.
