Great Excavations

part of my mongrel American heritage... the British genes, in particular... have provided me with enough drama at the dentist's office to last me a lifetime, already.

i still recall my earliest experiences. and, my childhood jawbreaker's thick-as-thighs fingers, distending my lips like a juvenile Mick Jagger. not to mention learning what pain, REAL pain, feels like.

ever been to a circus, or seen one in a movie, or on TV? remember the "test of strength", when you bash a mallet with machismo, to try and ring the bell, above?

that's about how that kind of pain feels, to me. only, the distance between the "bang" and the "ring" are a lot closer (and your ass grows feet, and can move, at will).

the next protagonist? i remember being asked to "push backwards, hard", as he braced his knee against the arm of the chair, and strained to pop my wisdom tooth out of my head. the only thing missing was the "champagne-cork" sound effect, when it "let go" from my jaw.

yes, you could say that i'm "dentist phobic".

but, i got over it. i must have... because, here i'm sitting, sucking IPA through the retainer just wedged into my head.

now, i'm not a kid (and, that is an understatement that only a President can exceed), but, you just never know what life will throw your way. like, my dentist, the arch-liberal conspiracy theorist, who likes home-made hot sauce. he'd asked me, a couple of months, ago, "how long have your teeth have had gaps like that?", in between other excavations.

"forever", my reply.

hence, an "appliance" now abides to right nature's wrongs. at my age. and, expense.

(ladies with a gap between your front teeth: let this not be a rejection of your attraction. you are the sexiest. but, i'm tired of having enough space to drive trucks through mine).

but, there comes the time to put behind childish things. even as adolescent as this feels...

...i to bid adieu to Shane McGowan, The poster child of the American Dental Association.

Shane_mcgowan