resolute.

i really had no intention of sitting down to put words together, today. having put head to pillow at nearly 7AM, and up, four hours later--that was pushed pretty far back in the back of a dusty drawer, mentally speaking.

of late, they've been ricocheting around in my brain-box, competing with the swears, the impure thoughts that come to naught (so to speak), the brief fullness of watching kids doing the "veg-o-matic" to Christmas wrapping paper, the emptiness of missing the people i cannot return... or the ones who don't want to.

though the walls and the clutter and the routine are similar, how different the atmosphere from last December.

2008 was a year of losing things: love, parent, (almost) my livelihood, (almost) self-respect, promise. no one could have predicted the collapse of that house-of-cards. or, maybe they could. if so, i'm glad they kept it to themselves... or i'd have brained 'em, see?

i still wake up in the morning, though... and when i do, it's with the memory of warm skin molding to mine. the perfect jigsaw fit. still waiting for more pieces to reveal themselves, so the big picture starts to avail itself.
better to have that memory than to have none.

new year means fresh start... with the door wide open.

the wind's changing, though... and the dust is stirring.

from small things, big things one day come.